Today was a good day, but a really hard day. It was 4 years ago today that my Nana had to leave us. For selfish reasons I still have not come to terms with it, and if I’m being honest, I am not sure if I ever will.
My Nana is still, to this day, in every single thought I have. Every little prayer. Every little dream, she is there. And I know it sounds weird but I can hear her. There will be moments where I know she is talking to me (like if I see some larger lady looking a hot mess in mismatched animal prints with leggings…I can hear her “Oh Jesus God Jordan, look, look look! Do you see that? If I ever look like that you better tell me!” followed by extreme laughter, possibly to the point of pee). What is ever worse, is that I will answer her back. Out loud. And I get very strange looks. Not one person could know that I loved my Nana more than anyone in the world. She took care of me. Plain and simple. And she would tell you that before you even asked her.
Nana was the most, caring, beautiful, encouraging, loving, funny, classy, perfect grandmother that anyone could ever ask for. She loved unconditionally and her love was pure. She encouraged me to go out and do what it was that I wanted to do, what I loved, and to not look back! She showed me how a person is suppose to take care of their family and how to be proud, but humble at the same time.
If there was one thing she loved as much as her family, it was her friends. But even more than friends, it was her phone. Oh man did she love talking on the phone. I remember sitting on the couch and listening to her talk on the phone to everyone, friends, family, telemarketers, ect. For hours upon hours she would talk. That was her favorite thing to do. And what is awesome is she would be talking about her family the entire time. She would tell everyone about her wonderful grandchildren (she would also say that I was her favorite….just saying) and how proud she was, how beautiful, talented and smart we all were, even when we would make really stupid decisions. She was there. She was always there.
I loved the way she said, “warsh” instead of wash. And how every time we ate out, she made sure we got exactly what we wanted. And if not, we would get a pint of ice cream on the way home. I loved that she was the only person who would tell you that you didn’t eat enough and take you to McDonald’s and tell you that it was healthy. I loved how she could make you laugh simply by the way she yelled at her dogs (“GD dogs, get over here damn it!”) and then loved on them a moment later (Trini, give me a kiss. Give me a kiss, damn it!). I loved how when I had to go to Jack’s house on the weekends, she and Gigi would sit outside his apartment complex and “spy” because he was a ‘snake’ and ‘unreliable’. I loved that they would come get me from the apartment and take me to McDonald’s so I didn’t have to be there alone. I loved that we spent hours shopping, but never buying anything. I loved that we both lived in California at the same time, because without her there I wouldn’t have made it. I loved every time that I visited her she would always try to sneak money in my pocket, even though she didn’t have a dime. I loved that we spent endless summers in Rockport. I loved that the cashiers at Circle K knew us by name because we would go get slurpees in there every day. I loved her passion for Christmas. I loved that we went all out for it every year. I loved her hair. And the smell of her house. I loved her guacamole, and I’m pretty sure Drew and I are the ONLY ones who loved it. I loved her big bed with the TV that never worked. I loved that she kept a million pictures, having stolen most of them from my mom’s house. I loved her little trinkets she used to buy and our trips to T.J. MAXX. I loved that she is the only woman who successfully make Wal-Mart chic. I loved that she knew everything there was to know about our family history and would explain it to you at the drop of a hat. I loved that before tequila we were Spaniards, but after a shot or two we were Mexicans. I loved how she was always ready to share anything she had, just because it made her happy. I loved how she called on birthdays and sang at the top of her lungs. I loved how she always remembered holidays, special events, and when the next sale at Shoeboxes was (the woman loved shoes!) I loved that the first store I ever shopped in was Neimans, when I was 5 days old, because Nana and Mom had to take me in and show me off. I loved how, because of that trip, I now have horribly expensive taste on a very low budget. I loved how when we went out to eat and didn’t get what we ordered….Nana would “take” care of it. I loved how when we would go to eat we would make up stories about all the crazy people walking by. I loved how much time I got to spend with her. I loved how she said my name. I loved how, when we decorated her house for christmas, she said it was the best present she had ever got.
I loved her. I still love her. Always and forever. I know she will always know that she is in my heart and she is watching me grow and learn from the wonderful and beautiful life she lived. God is so lucky to have my Nana, and for anyone who didnt know her, you really missed out on one heck of an awesome woman.
“You Go Girl” - Nana
